did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
