You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
