i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
