its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
