Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
