I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
