You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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