why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
