I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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