You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
