dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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