Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Be still, my beating vagina.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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