I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
