those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
