I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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