just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
