I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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