how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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