We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
