Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
