So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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