all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Of course I have a pirate flag
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
