WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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