My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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