when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
