I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
