Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
