eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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