This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
