Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
