No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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