Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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