I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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