I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
that's an acceptable place to lick
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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