i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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