There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
