there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
