imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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