Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
