are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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