I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
People in love make me want to vomit
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
