how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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