I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
