She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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