I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
