I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
