whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize
