I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
