He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
