I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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