needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
