I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
