Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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