i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
