I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
